its oh so quiet

I'm so used to hearing your voice especially in the early hours of the morning. Being woken up because your hungry and then chirping and circling the bed as an alarm clock. I feel guilty, hurt, alone, sad, and angry. The what ifs and the we should'ves keep coming and I just want to cry. I know it's all okay. I know you are alright and we did what needed to be done. I have to focus on the happy moments but right now I want to punch something. It's never long enough. It just doesn't feel real. And everyone seems to shrug it off while inside I'm fucking screaming. Deep breath....