pain....i'm feeling alot of pain, deep seated agony cause by only one thing....damn you

i remember when i would spend hours in the shower trying my hardest to concentrate on anything else but this pain, just lying there a prune on a raisin, hunched in the fetal position till Mary helped me out put me in bed .
i need a good thought, a happy thought

there he was and i saw a tear, i didnt want to let you go
and they screamed your name
i cry cry for you to cry back
i cant see you
whats covering my eyes and must we be belong to me for the nearer i am to the shadow i fear not
tired of dreaming
just be my water caress
why cant i get enough and being a fucking saddist such hurt i cause you
who understands only myself my damned green eyes stare back 4 by 2 envelop the soul to thine wicked place
who the hell is whispering my name?
today is a very red day and all i can feel is blood

curses